Well, that was a stupid entry. I'm keeping it for historical purposes, but I'm revising my plans. I've worked in law enforcement long enough to know that you never go into a highly dangerous situation without back-up. I had that palpably demonstrated to me a few days after I wrote that post, when an auror did precisely that--walked alone into a group of Death-Eaters--and wound up very messily dead. It was a lesson to everyone at the DMLE, whether they worked in the field or not.
It forced me to think about what I was going to do and to reconsider. It's telling to me that no one has slapped me upside the head since I wrote the entry. Obviously, no one reads these journals, anymore. If I think to use them to solicit help or inform anyone of my clandestine whereabouts, I'd best think again. As it is, I warded this current entry private out of sheer habit.
So no more notes in journals; I will simply talk to the people I need to tell, face-to-face. The Pack already know, which is why I didn't include them on the permissions list to read my previous entry.
With their agreement, I wrote a report containing the information that I and the Pack gathered and submitted it this morning through official channels--meaning, to Madame Amelia Bones. Why? Because the DMLE need to know about an ongoing threat to the time-stream, and I want them to know that Erszebet Ivanovich is innocent, should she ever be caught among the DE.
And, because I want this to succeed, someone who is actually skilled in espionage should go after her.
It's maddening to realise that real life is not like the way it happens in books. I do want to be the hero in the story of my own romance, dammit--even if Erszebet turns out to love someone else or to just not love me anymore. I want to be the one who did the daring thing, risked all for love, etc. etc. I am willing to give my life for her.
But I am not willing to do that stupidly. I am not my Dad, and I don't have the wherewithal to insert myself into a pack of Death-Eaters and carry off an act long enough to subdue Erszebet's ancestor and bring him/her in. Millicent could do it; Draco could do it. Perhaps even Blaise could do it. I would be rubbish at it, and the plan would fail because I'd wind up being the one who needed rescue. My loyalties have been pretty plain ever since I was in school. My laughable attempt at deception would probably result in Erszebet's ancestor going even more deeply into hiding than he or she already is.
So I'm asking for help, even though it galls the wannabe Gryffindor inside me. Thanks so much, Sorting Hat, for making me aware of his existence back when I was eleven. Not.