Seth Graves (sp_sethgraves) wrote,
Seth Graves
sp_sethgraves

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At the Lazy Steward, Melgarve, Scotland (private thoughts)



Damn that shithead Gerard Leinardy, and damn me for being a stupid jerk who can't make up his mind! He asked what my relationship was to Izzy. Since he was her lawyer, I had to be scrupulously honest. Couldn't let my emotions get in the way, because they were all over the place and have been for the last couple of months. God, if this is the hell Megan went through a year ago, when she couldn't decide between two people, I apologise for every bit of sorrow I may have caused her, back then. Because I sure as hell know what it feels like, now.

I don't think Izzy believes I love her. I think she believes I led her on, and I may have done, but I hope I didn't. I wasn't trying to.

So I told Gerard that, even though I have strong feelings for Izzy, all I could commit to at the moment was friendship. I don't know what else I could have said to Gerard and been honest. But why the hell couldn't he have let me say that to Izzy? What gave him the freaking right to interfere? 'S none of his business!

Why is it that all I ever seem to do is hurt the people I care most about? Maybe I should leave them all to their lives and just...go. Disappear.

Except that wouldn't really solve anything. God, I hate wallowing in self-pity! I've got a problem; I should do something about it!

But I don't know what to do. The only productive thing I can think of is to apologise to Izzy.

I don't really want to be here at the Leaky--Lazy--Steward getting drunk off my arse, but here I am. Forgot Simon's not here, anymore. Stupid! As if Simon was put on this Earth for me to cry on his shoulder? Gah! Can't go to the Noose because all my relatives are there. Certainly can't go to the Leaky Cauldron, tonight, because Izzy's there with her cousin.

Thank you, God, for her cousin.

I just want to go home. Only a quarter-bottle of Jack Daniels left. Right. Soon's I finish that, I'm out of here.


Later

With two finger-widths still left in the JD bottle, Seth decided he'd had enough. He paid his tab, then went to the floopoint, stepped into the fireplace, sprinkled floo powder on himself, and muttered, "Gravezen Mannid."

That's odd, Seth thought as he stepped out of the floo, Grandmother must have rearranged the furniture...
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